Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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