hell yes lets make some ravioli
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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