So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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