i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
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