Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
