Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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