Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
