If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
