you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I'm too high and old for this...
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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