I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
well, you know. whores of a feather.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
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