if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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