remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
