I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
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