I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
