i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
i think my mom watched the whole time
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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