I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
