god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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