I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
