I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
he fucked my hip out of place.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
