its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
