So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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