hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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