I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
