i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
