Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I skipped work to stalk him.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Randomize
