so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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