You're a womanizer and a bitch.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
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we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
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I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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