just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
