There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Randomize
