You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
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