this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize
