What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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