so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
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