i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
