Apparently you make a good broom.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize
