I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
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