Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
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