Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
