he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
