thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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