non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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