life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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