Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
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