if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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