I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
