Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I'm experimenting with sincerity
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
