Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I made him laugh his dick is mine
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
