Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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