what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
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