so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
