i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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