I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
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