i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
