I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
