I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
