She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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