my mouth tastes like poor choices
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
