Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
