Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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