Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Randomize
