Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
