she looked like the before picture.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
