Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
