Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I just had sex on a roof
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
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