i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
