My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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