Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
