A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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