I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize