What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
