i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Randomize
