Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Randomize
