i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
party gras won. party gras always wins.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Randomize
