i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
